Somehow, I have survived my first year of Motherhood. The time has gone so quick but, also I really don't remember a lot of our life before Thomas came along.
In the first year of motherhood you definitely experience the good, the bad and the ugly and at times it can seem impossible. And yet, everyday you get it done and grow more and more.
So, what are the 12 biggest truths I’ve learnt the hard way in my first year as a mum?!
1. Time flies… It sounds so cliche, but my god it’s true what they say – time really does fly! It seems like only yesterday that Thomas graced the world with his presence (and seems like forever ago at the same – I literally can’t remember what my life was like without him!). So much happens in a baby’s first year of life and there is constantly something else being learnt that the time just never seems to stop. So new mamas that might be reading this – although the days seem long, the nights never ending, the months fly by- literally! Soak up the newborn smell and cuddles because believe me they don’t last anywhere near as long as you want them to! I wish I cherished that last chest cuddle a little more- you never really know when it will be the last time, treat them all as lasts!
2. Mum guilt is real… Painfully real some days. Someone close to me had said to me for a long time that you’ll never know real guilt until you become a mum and then you feel guilty for everything. I never believed her, until I became a Mum myself. And then it hit me like a big guilt truck! You feel guilty for the craziest things: forgetting to check their nappy for the umpteenth time even though you know it’s fine, wishing they would just fall asleep and then feeling guilty for not cherishing the cuddles, knicking to the shop alone. you even begin to feel guilty for feeling guilty! It is ridiculous. I don’t know how to escape this one but it is definitely a lesson that I’ve learnt since becoming a mum – the guilt is never far away and it will become your most common emotion. i just try to live in the moment and make the most of it.
2. You will sniff your baby’s bum in public… And you won’t give a shit who sees.
I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve either leant into the pram to see if i can smell anything dodgy, or actually lifted him up and had a sniffed his bum... full nose in butt crack type of sniffing. It’s second nature now. Better to check quickly than have to deal with a poonami and a super grumpy baby half an hour later (or on the train!!! Trust me this is NOT a situation you want to deal with haha!)
3. You will become a mamarazzi… Yes, I was that person pre-pregnancy/baby that said, “I don’t want to be that person that slaps their kids face all over the place and constantly talks about their baby!” Pffffft!! One year on and I’ve never used my Instagram so much in my life and I’ve started a blog all about my life as a mummy! But I can’t help it, I take photos of everything he does, I’m obsessed with him. He is my greatest achievement and I want to document his life and our love. I hate the thought of ever forgetting any stage he went through – keeping these memories frozen in time help me remember and it will help him as he grows to see how much love we all have for him.
4. You will make mistakes… You’re only human, and when you’re trying to function on little to no sleep you’re bound to make mistakes. Don’t let that mum guilt we talked about get you down. It’s easier said than done and I am terrible at being too hard on myself for the mistakes I make as a mum which then causes me to second guess everything. They’re not detrimental and I know that mistakes don’t matter too much as long as Thomas is loved but in the moment you just feel a bit rubbish. I didn’t tell many people about one mistake I made when Thomas was about 3 months, but I’m going to share it now, just in case a new mummy is reading this and it helps make them realise their not alone! I was getting dressed in our room and I propped Thomas up on our bed. I placed him in between goth of our pillows on the queen bed like I had done so many times before. He liked it there, he could still see me and he was happy. I turned for 20 seconds to grab a jacket from the hanger and I heard two loud bangs. As I turned, there he was... starfish on the ground, face down. I ran to him immediately and scooped him up. He gasped and then screamed. He had somehow gotten himself to the edge of the bed, fell off and hit the bedside table on the way down (I could tell because.. slobber) All in 20 seconds. I checked him over thoroughly and well, I can tell you that it definitely hurt me more than it hurt him. He cried a little but soon got over it and he is never going to remember that. It was an accident, I had put him there a million times before and he didn’t have the ability to move around or roll yet - but did I tell myself that? Nope, I berated myself and let myself feel terrible for so long. I called Tom and freaked him out too as he was away for work. But, I learnt from that and he is more than okay after this.
The best advice I could give (that I know I should listen to as well) is before you give yourself a hard time, think what you would say to a friend if they told you they’d done that. You wouldn’t get angry at them and tell them they were terrible would you? No. You’d say it’s ok, it’s nothing major, no one was hurt and not to worry and get upset. You’d comfort them. So, when you make mistakes (and you will, no-one is perfect, some people are just better at hiding their mistakes) go easy on yourself! You’re doing the best you can and that’s all our children ever ask from us.. right?!
5. You will fall in love with your little person more and more every day… Seriously! When a tiny, wrinkled, gooey, hairy, swollen, crying newborn Thomas was placed into my arms I didn’t think I could love him anymore than I did in that exact moment. It was instant for me. But, every day that has passed since he arrived I have fallen more in love with him. As they develop their cheeky little personality and interact with you more and show you their determination and intelligence, you feel so much more connected and that love just doesn’t seem to stop growing. It’s the most amazing feeling, and Thomas is now at an age where he seeks me out and comes and gives me a cuddle or a kiss and it honestly is the best feeling in the world! There is nothing like getting a cuddle from your baby, especially when you need that more than them!
6. Your priorities may change, and that’s OK.
This was a hard one for me at first. Things that used to be super important to me somehow naturally got put on the back burner. It actually began to happen when I was pregnant and broke my ankle. my perspective on things and life shifted.
I still did and do sometimes try and push myself too far. I try to be everything to everyone all of the time and to get everything accomplished. Sometimes that’s possible and sometimes it isn’t.
When Thomas was first born I remember trying to “keep up” with all of my friends via social media. To stay in contact and to always be available to answer messages because well, that’s what I had always done. Especially being off work for so long. I soon realised that also isn’t possible. My priority was my baby and, my own health. Resting was more important than a phone call.
At first, I felt really bad about this. Like I was doing something wrong by putting my loved ones on pause for a little while (if even for an hour). But the more that time passed, the more I realized I needed to be looking after us and that burning the candle at both ends was never going to work.
I needed to be true to my authentic self. I needed to accept the shift in my lifestyle and my loved ones would get it... eventually.
My priorities have changed, but that’s OK. It can be so hard to navigate the person you’ve become after having a child. No one really talks about this. Honestly, when I was reborn a Mother I became who I was always supposed to be and that’s okay to celebrate that, embrace that and let the old you go a little.
7. Find a routine that works for YOU and YOUR family at this season of life.
Inevitably, you are going to get pounded with advice from other Mums, friends, family members, etc, but you need to do what’s best for YOU and YOUR family. Do not feel bad if something works for others but not for you. Some routines/strategies work really well for some babies, but are just not realistic for your family. I get it, the comparison trap is REAL. But every baby, every Mum and every family is different. Take advice from everyone, take it in and revamp it a little and find YOUR groove.
8. White noise machines and rocking bouncers.
That is all.
9. Some days you just need to do nothing and that’s OK.
YUP. Especially in those early days of newborn life, some days you do literally NOTH-ING except feed and snuggle that little baby. This was super hard for me at first – especially as someone who thrives off of being productive. But give yourself the grace of taking it slowww some days. I can’t tell you how many days in the newborn fog I didn’t even get out of my PJs. It’s more than ok. I remember my Mum telling me that the dishes will still be there in an hour (or a day) but your baby will never be this little again.
10. Getting out of the house is (almost always) worth it.
Even if it’s just a walk around the neighborhood, getting out of the house (especially on tough days) can be just the thing to reset your day. It’s amazing what a little sunlight and fresh air (and a hot cup of coffee) can do.
11. Trust your instincts.
From every inch of my being, I mean this one. As parents, we know more instinctively than you will give yourself credit for.
Do not let anyone... may that be medical professionals or friends brush of your worries or inner feelings.
When Thomas was about 5 weeks old I knew in myself that something wasn’t right. It wasn’t normal to have my baby scream in pain so much and be so fussy on the boob. I went to my GP and they brushed it off. I kept pushing for answers until someone finally listened. He was eventually diagnosed with severe reflux. That diagnosis changed everything. After a little more pushing he was finally on the right medication and he became the happiest boy.
My instincts were right then and they have been right many times since. Sometimes I can sense when he is awake before I hear him or I will say “he is going to be sick” and the next day he will wake up poorly.
Our instincts and that “gut feeling” is there for a reason - our stomach is called the second brain for that reason. Trust it. And trust it hard.
12. Enjoy every single phase.
From the moment I came home from the hospital, my personal goal for myself was to enjoy every. single. phase of this little one’s life. As someone who is always planning and looking ahead, I knew it was going to be so easy for me to say “I can’t wait till he can sit up, crawl, walk, talk…. you name it!” Instead, I really pushed myself to be fully present and enjoy easy phase as it came. I still do this. I try to be present and to live in the moment. Embrace what is.
To soak in those sleepy newborn moments, to FULLY enjoy those months of him simply laying and rolling on the floor, to get excited with each milestone he accomplished. I’m so glad I did because, looking back, these phases don’t last very long and before you know it, they’re ONE YEAR OLD And BEGINNING TO WALK!
Enjoy those phases mamas! We deserve to soak it in a little...
I’ve learnt all of this and more in 12 months of Motherhood, I cannot wait to see what the next 12 has in store!
Until Next Time,
Carly xx
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